The only thing certain after we arrive on this planet is death. I would say this very often about death and yet realised once again recently that we are never prepared for it.
I recently lost my cousin to cancer. She was undergoing treatment for close to two years but eventually lost the battle. She was one of the toughest individuals I have met in my life and to see her life end like this was painful – to say the least. It took me days to come to terms with what has happened and part of it was possible with her last three days when we saw her slipping away from us after doctors gave up any hope of her recovery.
Loss of a loved one is really difficult and there are whole lot of questions that are left unanswered. Eventually we all come to terms with their absence and move on with our lives but there are moments, times when the loss hits us. While we take other failures/setbacks in our stride and move on, we seem to be least prepared for our departure or that of others.
Much as I try to understand this, there is little to understand. So how do we cope with it? Here are the five simple things I did to come to terms with the loss.
- Accept:The biggest lie we live is denial. That it did not happen while the truth is completely the opposite. It is hard to accept that someone who till moments ago was full of life and the centre of our lives is no more. We may accept their physical absence but the emotional absence of a dear one is hard to accept.
Photo by Juan Pablo Arenas on Pexels.com - Let your feelings out: I remember it felt little awkward when I started crying while my cousin was being taken for her last rites. No before that as well when I started crying in the hospital as it became clear there was nothing we can do except wait for her to peacefully leave us. There are people who are strong, very strong and they don’t shed a tear. Does that mean they are not sad? Well, they have different method of processing their feelings. To me crying is the easy way to let it all out. I feel better, light.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com - Talk to someone:This is actually very important after someone you love is not there. Talking to a relative who was close to the departed soul helps in coming to terms with the absence. Talking about the past good times spent together or that incident which brought you close, it all helps.
Photo by Eunice Lui on Pexels.com - Give yourself time: Things wont return to normal just after the mourning period is over. It will take time. Take all the time to process the loss. It was a living being who shared the space with you, so even little things like the morning cup of tea will continue to remind you about him/her. It’s a process that will continue because just when you think you have moved on and accepted the loss, something will happen to bring back the memories.
- Celebrate life: Its only when someone dies that we realise life is much more than that latest edition of the mobile phone or the limited edition of that car. Small things that may make no difference to others but mean the world to us – do that. Even if it is as simple as enjoying a hot cup of chai at a roadside tea stall. Also I find it lot more relaxing if instead of grieving over the loss, we celebrate the life that spent time with us. Like I wanted to play songs my cousin loved while she was lying in bed unaware of us surrounding her.
Death is one thing we all are afraid of. So we don’t discuss it and when it happens, we come up with our own ways and means to cope with it. This was my way of coming to terms with the loss
असीमित असीम 